Spoons & Stupid Cavemen


Amira Gilbert, Journalist

We all know that the invention of spoons was a special day in the history of the universe, these very useful utensils can do all sorts of things like – 

1. Scoop up soup,

2. Eat cold or hot things that we would not like to eat with our hands,

3. Pick up liquid that we could not pick up with forks or knives.

The list goes on and on. I could tell you about a hundred things that a spoon is useful for, but I want to skip to the bit were I whine to you. I have found that humans, in general, like to whine a LOT, and here I have another reason why spoons are amazing and useful. They don’t whine, like at all (which is normal for most utensils.) See? Isn’t that handy?

Now you can see all the amazing things spoons do, but I think that the person (probably a weirdo caveman) should have thought about what would happen when this amazing invention interacted with the legendary ice cream. 

Though you can’t really blame the poor caveman. He lived so long ago that maybe ice cream didn’t exist… but of course, it did! Just pulling your leg. Everyone knows that ice cream is a constant of the universe, it has existed since the beginning of time. So basically the caveman is to blame and when you see a caveman next, glare at him for me. He deserves it. 

Anyway back on topic. Ice cream. Even though ice cream is mostly shrouded in mystery, one of the things commonly known about it is that it is cold, very cold. So this caveman should have known not to mess with this Being in its full glory, but he did, and now we all have to suffer the consequences. 

You see, when a spoon interacts with the chilly, frozen and extremely delicious ice cream, a phenomenal event occurs which is extremely annoying to most of us people, the spoon… BENDS!!

It is extremely annoying and irritating to see your brand new spoon, (or it could be an old spoon that has faithfully served you for most of its life), suddenly end its life of being extremely useful and bending backward, ending the life of being totally awesome.

I know that most of you would be heartbroken and say it was your fault that the spoon had died and then you would try to bring it back to life by twisting it back up. 

We all know what happens next. It is so gruesome and distorted that I can not write it down in this post (it would scar you for life, trust me, I have many a nightmare of this horrible fate.)

And so I have come to tell you this: it is not your fault that your dear beloved spoon has died in the most irritating and annoying way, and it is not the ice cream’s fault (anyone daring to insult this amazing creation will pay!! It will be after you! And it is not pretty.) Besides, can the ice cream help being so totally awesome? But in fact, the one to blame is the caveman!! It is his fault, totally and completely. 

I mean, yes he did make the spoon awesome and useful and we would probably worship him except for this big fact that he did not make all the spoons ice cream resistant. Which was really, really dumb. 

And so I end my case, to show you that this caveman was stupid and dumb when he made it so that spoons bend when connecting with ice cream. I hope you now have a deep hatred of this caveman as I do.

(If you know the president or the queen, please do me a favour and tell them to please ban all, if any, cavemen from the country. I am sure they will agree. We’re all lovers of spoons aren’t we?)

The end.