Is she an extrovert? Is she an introvert? Perhaps she is an ambivert? Well, to put it simply, she is all of them at once. She is what they call an extroverted introvert, meaning she can be any personality she wants to be at anytime she sees appropriate. Not to be confused with schizophrenia, this extroverted introvert has total control over the personas or different personalities she projects to the people around her. This personality type is rarely found but does exist.
Think of her personality like an audio soundboard in her brain, with lots of knobs and sliders. When she is put into a social situation where she needs to be clever and funny, like with her friends, her mind will naturally adjust the sliders and knobs to a personality that’s clever and funny. Or maybe she’s in a one-on-one situation, like a job interview, rather than being clever and funny, she adjusts her personality soundboard to be professional, classy, and bubbly. She does this every minute of everyday and adjusts to every person, mood, and situation that comes her way.
Those who see her many personas would say that she’s two-faced or a fake, switching her personality just to get what she wants. They would not be completely wrong either. Extroverted introverts do use this acting ability to achieve something they want, whether it is popularity, a promotion, or a closer relationship. But more often than not, this chameleon of society is not two-faced; she just knows how to improve a situation or relationship for the better to help everyone around her, including herself. A simple way of putting this is manipulation. People see manipulation as something that is very negative and wrong. But the extroverted introvert knows that it can be used for good. This is why many extroverted introverts are more successful than other personalities. She gets the attention, promotion, and good relationships because she knows exactly what personas to project.
Some people envy her social networking ability; others find it annoying and negatively manipulative. She comes off as charismatic, extroverted, and easy to get along with. But little do they know that though it appears as an easy task, often times she will spend hours thinking over a single conversation and how to manipulate it into what she wants or needs. And little do they understand that deep inside she is an introvert, who uses her persona ability to protect herself from criticism, hate, and harsh judgment. She only lets those extremely close to her see underneath the persona shell and into the introverted side of her. Aletheia Luna, a writer at Loner Wolf, said, “We must function by igniting connections with people. And in order to do that we need to put on a show, adopting a facade. And thus, the extroverted introvert… one who buries their true self to display another ‘self’.” She sees social connection as something that is extremely important to surviving, and uses all her skills to connect as well as possible.
How does she do it? How does she social network so well? Observation, cognition, and relations are tools the extroverted introvert uses constantly. She observes what someone likes, feels, and thinks and relates herself to those same things through experiences, coming off as a girl to be trusted because she understands. Making people feel secure is a sure way of getting them to like her, and she knows it. Which is why these are her first steps when meeting a new person or group of people. She gives them what they want, which is a relatable relationship, which causes them to like her. If they like her, they’ll want to give her what she wants in return. It’s win-win situation for all who cross paths with an extroverted introvert.
Another tool she uses is mirroring. She can make a person copy her emotions simply by projecting or acting like she feels that way. For instance, if she is calm in a stressful situation, the person across from her will naturally feel those vibes and mirror her emotions, making it easier for her to help him. If she wants him to feel relaxed, she will act relaxed in his presence, making it easier for him to be himself and for her to observe his actions. What makes this possible is the social chameleon’s super sensitivity to moods. She can feel a switch of moods in a person or situation immediately. This allows her to react accordingly and adjust her personality soundboard to what the situation needs.
These extroverted introverts have amazing ability and can help the world become more connected and successful. So instead of viewing them as negatively manipulative, two-faced, or big pretenders, view them as people with incredible social networking skills who can help keep humans positively connected with each other, one persona at a time.
1. Luna, Aletheia. “The Extroverted Introvert.” Loner Wolf. Web. 8 Dec. 2014. <http://lonerwolf.com/the-extroverted-introvert/>.