Pet Peeves

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Is there something that you just can't stand? Share in the comments below!

Amira Gilbert, Journalist

To be honest, I have a LOT of pet peeves. Maybe you have a lot like me or you only have a few, but you don’t, under any circumstances have NONE. Nope, not buying it! Everyone has them unless you’re some sort of alien (I am sure they have them too though.) So you see, no one can escape them. So deal with it!

The thing about them though is that they are normally REALLY weird. Not weird as in a person you know acting strange one day, but weird as in “I just saw a monkey with two heads covered in poop that is flying!” sort of weird. It is for me at least.

Now, since I am not a nice or very patient person I am going to bombard you with all the pet peeves I have and not wait or be polite to you, so here you go! Get ready for it and….

Wait, before I say anything I want you to know that if you tell anyone about these pet peeves (they are REALLY private, and yes, very embarrassing) I will be out for you and there is nothing you can do to escape… hahaha (evil laugh).

1. I HATE when people eat with their mouths open, I HATE HATE loathe entirely chewing. I know some of you are saying, “How is this weird like a monkey in the air with two heads covered in poop?” Well, let me answer back and say, have you ever seen me when I am in chewing anger mode? No? Well then stop judging me.

2. I HATE IT when a driver stops for me to cross the road. It is SO annoying. Because when I cross the street I feel like they are judging the way I walk or something like that. It annoys me SO much I purposely pretend that I am not crossing the street so they will go and then I walk across. Weird right!? Then I feel like they are judging me when I don’t go across. Weird people. Weird me. We are all weird, to tell the truth. Unless you’re an extremely normal person with no weirdness in you, but that is weird too because not many people are like that because we are all weird. AHHH!!! So much weirdness! It’s so weird!

3. Then there are the doors, the stupid annoying doors. No offense to the doors themselves, they are fine, I mean, they are only a piece of wooden material (unless they are made of iron or material made from the Titanic, in which case you are probably a Russian spy or something and should run before I call the police and you get put in prison for the rest of your life. Blame it on the door. It is the door’s fault for giving you away.) No, the problem I have that has something to do with the door is that nobody, no matter how loudly I shout at them or how nicely I speak to them, they will never shut the freaking doors!!!! For instance, I am sitting on my bed reading or by the table in the kitchen and they open the door to the freezing outside, then they go out and leave it open. I shout and wail, but they won’t close it! (and if you are wondering why I don’t close it myself, then let me ask you, have you ever been in a situation when you are closing the door to the outside at least a hundred times because people keep coming in every five minutes and not closing the door. If you ever had to do that then you would understand. If not and you still insist that I am lazy and should get up and be nice to my siblings, then I say that you are mean and I am going to go cry in my pillow. I hope you feel happy about yourself making a poor young girl cry.

4. If any of you have a sibling you will totally get my next pet peeve. (If not, then you can just skip this paragraph unless you’re a weirdo and want to read it anyway. Don’t know why. That’s so weird.) The copying!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh so annoying!!! Everything you do is mimicked and mocked until this awesome thing you have done is now stupid and everyone else is doing it now so it isn’t even original anymore! You have a favourite song but then all your fifteen siblings (more like 50 kids in all. I mean how do parents live to see the next day with all these screaming people running around?) just decided that they liked that song first and now it is sung so loudly and constantly that you hate the song like it is the devil and will throw up whenever you hear another song written by the same person because it reminds you too much of the kids (devils) at home. I envy all single children in families. (You have no idea how lucky you are!!)

5. Last but not least. (I still have no idea what on earth that saying means. Maybe you can mail me that definition later) The one that drives me bonkers the most out of all of my pet peeves is…. When people who are reading my articles think they are stupid and they don’t even laugh. I mean the EFFRONTERY!! Can you imagine that someone wouldn’t have laughed in this article alone? I mean, what about all the others?? It is terribly sad and breaks my heart. Just kidding. It mostly annoys the crap out of me!! If you see someone reading this and they are not laughing then do something mean to them for me like shaking them and yelling in an outrageous shrill tone “how dare you!!” You can blame it on me and you won’t even get in trouble! (I know you have wanted to do that for a long time, so you’re welcome! I am such a good friend, aren’t I?)

Anyway, to demonstrate my power over you who are reading this I am going to end this article right now. (aren’t I so mean? I mean you are just dying to hear more. You will have to wait for part two, which will probably take a year or two so don’t get excited.)

Bonjour! Good day! Auf Wiedersehen! Goodbye!

Daisies and buttermellow, turn a stupid fat rat yellow? (wasn’t that weird! Wasn’t even a real spell!)

Bye. (I mean it this time, I swear)